I'm gonna have a badass scar
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
