i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
