This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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