he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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