in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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