what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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