If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize