DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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