you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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