Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize