he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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