can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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