New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
