So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
