Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
