who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
No subtext here. People are naked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
