you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
