i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
