my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize