I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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