Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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