I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
