The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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