this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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