I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
