Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
