the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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