I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
