somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
