I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did i walk over a car last night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
