I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
