"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
