I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
