I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
