The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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