textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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