is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
