he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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