He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
