I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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