nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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