I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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