If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
