Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
