So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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