I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
