walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
