Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
