Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
