And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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