Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
