just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
