the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
