problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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