Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
