I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
