Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
