maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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