At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
