u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
