Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
