so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
