thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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