Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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