i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
