how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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