Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
