like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize