So drunk its hurt
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
