I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
