omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
