You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
