the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
