Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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