and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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